Today, I want to share the seven core parenting principles we follow in raising our daughter – principles that help us truly enjoy parenthood.
Some of these principles came to us intuitively, while others I’ve realized over time and am still learning to implement.
- Look Inward: Recognize Your Own Emotions
Your child’s behavior triggers emotions in you—that’s normal, natural, and important. But your emotions are yours, not your child’s. When we get triggered and react impulsively without understanding our own feelings, we’re unable to make rational decisions. And reactive parenting doesn’t help a child learn emotional regulation.
The first step is to acknowledge how your child’s behavior makes you feel. Recognizing your emotions in the moment reduces reactivity. “I’m angry.” “I feel embarrassed because my child is having a meltdown in public.” “I’m frustrated.” Take a deep breath. Remind yourself, I can handle this. When your emotions are under control, you become a more resilient and empathetic parent.
2. Balance Firmness and Kindness
Your child should always have a voice, and your job is to ensure that voice is heard and acknowledged. But listening to a child’s request doesn’t mean always saying yes. Your role is to help them cope with situations where they don’t get what they want.
Clear boundaries and consistent rules are essential. Firmness means you confidently say no, while staying calm. A child feels safe when their parents are reliable and in control.
Firmness is not about threats or physical punishment—those are never acceptable.
3. Maintain Consistency in Parenting
Everyone involved in raising your child—parents, caregivers, grandparents—should be on the same page. There shouldn’t be situations where, for example, mom doesn’t allow sweets, but grandma shows up with a bag full of chocolates.
When rules are consistent, children have fewer opportunities for manipulation, which means fewer tantrums and less labeling of one parent as the “bad guy.”
4. Accept All of Your Child’s Emotions
Let go of the idea that your child should always be happy. Rethink your approach to emotions. The old way of categorizing emotions as “good” or “bad” is outdated. Emotions simply are. They exist, and all of them are valid.
You would never tell your child to stop being happy, so why would you tell them to stop being sad or angry? Some emotions are harder to handle, and our instinct may be to avoid them or make them disappear quickly. But every emotion matters, and it’s okay for both you and your child to feel them. The key is learning to acknowledge and manage the full spectrum of emotions—without judgment or criticism.
Remember, in 15-20 years, your child will be living their adult life. They’ll need to navigate their emotions without a parent constantly stepping in to distract or fix things for them.
5. Say What You Mean
This is a principle I’m still learning to follow.
Clear, direct communication is essential—not just in parenting, but in life. It means knowing what you want to say and saying exactly that. Often, it means asking fewer questions and making more clear statements.
Instead of “Why aren’t you in bed yet?”, say “It’s time to go to bed.” Instead of “And who’s going to clean up this mess?”, say “It’s time to clean up now. Let’s do it together.”
Direct communication doesn’t mean being harsh or cold. On the contrary, it means being calm, confident, and clear about your expectations.
6. Spend Quality Time Together
Every day, it’s important to spend quality time with your child—even if it’s just 15-30 minutes. This is time when you are fully present with them. No phone. No distractions.
Ask about their day, how they felt, and share your own thoughts and emotions. Engage in activities your child enjoys.
Have fun together! If possible, visit a playroom, jump on a trampoline, or simply laugh together. These shared joyful moments strengthen your bond and show your child that their parents are truly present and engaged.
7. Keep Your Promises
Whenever you make an agreement with your child, keep your word. This is the foundation of trust in your relationship.
